My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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