You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
