Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize