Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
