she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize