I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
