his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
