I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
