Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize