i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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