Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
