lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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