He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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