Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
