I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
