We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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