What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
