Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
