I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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