Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
