Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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