So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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