big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
