I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
