I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
