In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
