he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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