Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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