so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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