I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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