we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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