Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
