I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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