toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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