She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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