It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
