What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
