sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
