is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
