Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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