If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
