i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
