U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
