Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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