If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
