I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
