hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
