Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
