that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
