id be glad to
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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