Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
