I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
