Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
