Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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