Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
