no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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