I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
