I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
