i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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