dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I smell stomach acid.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
