I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
