I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We are two peas in an std pod
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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