party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
even my farts smell like vagina
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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